Till divorce do us part

Sometimes it seems that topics develop a level of popularity all by themselves. On this occasion I seem to be encountering a lot of references to gay marriage a topic which frankly I haven’t given much thought to because a) I am not gay and b) I am already married. I think the confluence of unrelated but similar items is called synchronicity which is mostly irrelevant but a cool word to try and drop into your next cocktail party.


So back to gay marriage, other than the reasons above I have a sort of “so what” attitude to this, if gay people want to be married good luck to them on the other hand why all the fuss as far as I can tell my status us married does not provide me any privileges or rights that I wouldn’t otherwise have so who cares.

Administratively it is sometimes easier to be married, my wife automatically becomes my spokesperson etc for medical stuff if I can’t speak for myself (which may be a very bad thing depending on how recently I came home late or did something else irresponsible) and gets the house when I die etc but all of this can be overcome with some legal papers albeit I admit it might be more of a hassle and the items on the list are relatively minor in the scheme of life.

So I realize that some of the fuss derives from the fact that gay marriage is not recognized by some governments and people want this “put right”. So this begs the question why would a government care and actually when you think about it why are they involved at all? Why do you need a marriage license? Actually why do people including myself even get married?

Errr, In my case because that’s what you do? Looking back that is really my own personal answer, there was presumably a lot of symbolism in the starting a new life together type stuff and I never thought about it at the time but it is really the creating of a new family unit isn’t it. Separate and with its own identity from the families the two of you have come from and by extension the beginning of the child bearing and raising process that completes the cycle. So it is not to suggest I fell into marriage but it wasn’t motivated by trying to be involved in any grand societal plan. And the getting married bit is quite distinct in my mind from the life I have now built with my wife. If I were to have my time again would I bother to get married, actually maybe not, I would have a party but the license and stuff perhaps not.

Presumably then society (the government) cares because the family part is the key a mummy and a daddy in a stable family unit are the best space to raise a child. Well let’s quickly admit that there are other models that work just fine to name just one would be what I will call a village model where the whole tribe is responsible and this seems to work very well. Equally we will all readily admit that there are some appalling mummy and daddy units out there.

So presumably governments think that gay people would make bad parents hence a dislike of gay marriage. Certainly biology is on the side of the government, producing babies is quite a bit harder if you and your partner share the same gender. So that should be an A ha! moment for the government, exactly how big a problem can this ever be given the built in limitations? And as for those gay people who seek to adopt etc, these are what I would call deliberate parents as they have to consider plan and actively seek parenthood versus the many, many accidental parents in the non gay world. How many time have you heard someone say “little Johnny was a bit of an accident” or some such. (as an aside I feel like slapping these people, how would you like your existence being referred to as an accident) So what would you prefer people who want to be parents or people who got drunk and ended up with a baby. (yes yes rash sterotyping but you understand what I mean)

Once again this seems to me to be an area that governments are in for the “doing good” reasons and it has the inevitable consequence of interfering in people’s lives for no supportable reason. With 30% of marriages ending in miserable divorce and potentially a higher level of unhappy marriage if governments want to do good they should ban marriage altogether I don’t see why gay people deserve special protection from that sort of self inflicted misery it is just another example of discrimination against us poor middle class white fellas.